This is part 3 of a 3 part series on showing up for work when things are falling apart. Part 1 explores the importance of being sensitive to your heart; Part 2 is on how the obstacle becomes the path.
In this final post, we’ll look at the beauty and the gift of new beginnings.
No matter how many times our plans are derailed, how dark the night, there is a new day dawning. Looking at life as a teacher, there are similar themes. Our story lines are different, yet the pain and way through take the same route. The lessons are universal.
Happiness is precarious if it is contingent on things going the way we think it should.
What surprised me most was how long my heart insisted things should be different than they were. Even with turning inward and listening, uncovering the story under the pain, all of this deep inner work didn’t change what my heart wanted – not all at once anyway and certainly not quickly.
It held on in a silent sorrow. It didn’t let go until it had swallowed me up completely.
When your world falls apart, it opens you.
Life is movement. It is a constant coming and going, cycles, seasons, beginnings and endings. We have to learn how to dance with this movement and sometimes, something in our own structure must be taken apart to release the flow of life.
I didn’t want to be taken apart. I’m not going to say any of this was easy, but I am incredibly grateful. The ending of our personal relationship was a gift in many ways. Through the process of learning to tell the truth and to hear the truth in what the other was saying, we each grew. When we looked at what was true, not what we wished to be true, we started accepting things the way they were. We let go in love. Even saying that we broke up in a loving way sounds a little strange, but it was really one of the most profound experiences of my life.
Ultimately nothing was lost.
Endings and new beginnings are experiences and like all experiences, they have something to teach us. As an Enneagram Type 7 my tendency is to avoid pain. It took a lot for me to stay with it.
Coming to see both sides, the beauty, and agony of this ending started an integration process.
To explore new possibilities often means moving out of the very structures we built to keep us safe. There is a part that desperately wants to explore while another part is holding on for dear life. We all experience this duality. We want more from our lives, relationships, and work. This isn’t just mystical talk, it is practical. If you want more you already know that more is possible. You intuitively know you have to do something you have not done before. You’ll have to move beyond what you know and that takes you right to the edge. That edge is your evolution and it is both exhilarating and scary.
To be alive is to participate in beginnings and endings, to engage in the flow of life, and to be in dialogue with questions and answers.
“To grow is to change and to be perfect is to have changed often.” John Henry Newman
We seldom like change and yet there is a very alive and creative impulse to evolve.
Our humanness includes a yearning for more.
I’m not talking about more regarding accumulation or as in bigger and better.
We want to know what is possible. We continue to raise the ceiling.
It is a dynamic process of opening to what is truer and truer.
Truth is always fresh and new.
The soul, like the moon, is now, and always new again.
And I have seen the ocean continuously creating.
Since I scoured my mind and my body, I too, Lalla, am new, each moment new.
My teacher told me one thing, live in the soul.
When that was so, I began to go naked and dance.
In Anam Cara, A Book of Celtic Wisdom, John O’Donohue talks about approaching possibility and change as an engagement with life. Each new day deepens what has already happened. Isn’t that beautiful? I think that is what gives me the courage to dance with life when it brings the unexpected.
If we fail to notice the newness of each day, if we hold on to things that no longer serve us, we lose the opportunity to enjoy the dance. If you look closely you’ll see a sacred unfolding even in the midst of the ordinary.
As A.H. Almaas reminds us, life is a process of creative discovery.
The process of learning, unfolding and expansion never stops.
We only need to take the first step.
In the ending of a relationship I’ve been renewed. I could have never anticipated how life would unfold or what I would have missed had I not moved toward my pain and let it break my heart. I might have missed the opportunity to receive all the love I have in my life. It started with that first step, and even though my voice was shaky, it said yes to embracing all I am, looking at the lessons, and saying yes to whatever is next.
It is self-discovery, not a self-improvement plan.
Each step reveals the next.
As our shoulds and should-nots are exchanged for our hearts desire, we come to know that truth is always new and is revealed through our relationship with the world we live in. My true desire is to be revealed through relationship and to learn to dance with the beloved. In this dance, expressing the mystery has no end. It changes form. It is alchemy.
In this spaciousness you are forever being born.
Every dream in the moonlight, rest in the sunshine, walk in the wilderness, and touch of another will remind you. It is beyond what the mind can understand, it is more than the eye can see. Join me in this space where heart and soul, beginning and end, song and dance, mystery and adventure waits for our deep yes.