Getting Closer To The Core

Closer to the core of who I am.

Dropping away the ideas of what I should and shouldn’t do and a softer approach emerges.

Knowing the path unfolds and all I have to do is be present,

attentive to the moment, and loving toward myself,

But there is a difficulty.

Take today for example,

after being up in the night with my daughter

I was feeling out of sorts physically and mentally,

and yet there was ease…

ease in everything at my daughter’s doctor appointment and labs

ease in which she returned to school for the day

ease in which I decided to rest instead of work

and now the natural flow of turning my attention back to my projects.

It would have been a different kind of difficult a year ago.

It is hard to explain but incredible to experience.

I’m more at home with myself.

Things come and go.

Life on the outside looks the same, and yet the inner experience is different.

Last year was easier than the one before, which was easier than the one before that.

The simple way to explain it is I finally understand the meaning of the Zen Proverb, “Let go or be dragged.”

The shift from striving to flowing is subtle.

It doesn’t mean you won’t continue to grow or have challenges.

You’ll still have boundaries to break and capacities to increase.

It doesn’t mean you won’t encounter fallow times. You still encounter times where you want more clients, or money, or an easier flow of work. At the same time, you know that what you are facing is what is needed to understand the market conversation, or something important about how to lead.

I’ve learned that “what is happening” is the most important thing.

Even if what is happening is a feeling of frustration or a sense of not knowing what to do. Because when you tune in to what is going on you start to pay attention to your life. You see how you construct the beliefs and limitations. You notice your thoughts. It’s like catching the way the magician distracts you so you can see how the illusion works.

When I am in a state of crises (or difficulty), I’m more sincere. I ask deeper questions because I need to know. I’m not just curious or having a philosophical discussion. The benefit of questioning during difficulty is coming through it with an understanding and a creative approach that is truly my own. I’m no longer an echo or “me too” brand because I’ve stayed with the dynamic tension of not rushing to a resolution or answer. I just hope I don’t make this sound special or romantic because it wasn’t. It was simply time to slow down and to face the things I didn’t understand about myself, business, relationships, and how I wanted to be in the world.

Sometimes fear is useful.

I’m not suggesting to act out of fear but rather to use whatever fear or anxiety arises as a catalyst. It is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself and your work.

Between our inner need for growth and our external circumstances, a kind of dovetailing can often be detected. There almost seems to be a master hand behind it all, thrusting us time and time again into the same frustrating situation until finally we relent: “All right, you win — I’ll grow if you insist!”
This is all that is really expected of us. Once we have made the firm resolve to get ourselves out of the old trap, we will be amazed how quickly our circumstances begin to change, how quickly new opportunities open up for us.
— Eknath Easwaran in Words To Live By

I think the key phrase is a firm resolve to make changes. It is a commitment to the process. Potential unfolds after we make the first step. If we are sincere and mindful, we will know ourselves and this fiery core.

I read this post by Simon Mainwaring on congruence. He says,

“Once you align yourself with your true purpose and your authentic nature, the universe capitulates and says, “Finally! You’re doing what you should be doing!” People and opportunities you’d never have imagined before start coming out of the woodwork, and it’s not because they’re suddenly interested. It’s because you’re suddenly telling them who you are and what you want and they can hear you for the first time.”

Have you looked at a difficult situation sincerely in this way?

Have you found yourself coming closer to the core of who you because you faced fear?